Behind A Smile
by BaybieBlue
Summary: Emily's been hiding everything behind a smile. Dedicated to those who hide behind a smile and try to get through the day!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: What They Don't Know

Summary: Emily seems normal on the outside, but on the inside, she's breaking apart. She's slowly dieing inside. No one seems to notice because of the mask on her face. Her eternal smile she uses to hide her pain. Her eyes which mask the tears….it's only a while until it blows up in her face…..right?

**Dedicated to all those who hide their pain behind a smile. I know your pain, I really do. Sometimes you just got to open up. I'm slowly learning that now.**

**Also dedicated to the people I recently met….they know who they are….I think? They are slowly teaching me this lesson indirectly. **

**Also to a few people who I've talked to on here, who have been hiding behind a smile. I promise, everything's going to be okay. **

Emily

I looked in the mirror. This smile on my face….it looked so fake….. How do they believe this smile?

That is something I will never know….

I looked at the clock. 9:52…..

_Only two more hours, you can do this….2 more hours and you can let it all go._

I walked back out to the garden. We were all spending the night out there watching the stars. I went inside to grab something from my room. My camera.

"The stars are so beautiful." Mia said. I looked up at them. They really are.

"Yeah, I agree." Everything was just so... peaceful….

I can feel Jayden and Mike's eyes on me. I avoided eye contact with them. I just looked up at the stars and took a few pictures.

We spent the rest of the night out there….

Around 11 we started to head into bed. As I was walking down the hallway two hands grabbed my arm. It was Jayden and Mike.

"Let me go!" I snapped at them.

They released me….

"Emily, are you okay?" Mike asked me.

_No, I'm not. I feel like I am dieing. I feel numb and broken. I feel destroyed. _

"I'm fine!" I lied.

"Emily, please, the truth." Jayden said seeing through my lie.

_You won't understand…. No one will. Ever…._

"That is the truth. Just leave me alone…." I said.

I turned and ran for my room.

I slammed the door shut, and fell to the ground.

I broke. I was in tears….

I can hear people knocking at my door.

_Keep the door shut. Don't let them in. They won't ever understand. They never will…._

"Emily?" They called from the other side of the door.

_Keep pushing them away. Don't let them in. They won't be able to understand anything about it. _

"Go away!" I snapped.

I cried into my knees.

"Emily….please? Talk to me. Talk to us!" I heard one of them plead.

"No! Just go away! Please!" I begged.

I felt like screaming. I felt like running.

I just wanted them to leave.

I made sure my door was locked and crawled into my bed. I cried myself to sleep. I was never going to let them in, no matter how hard they banged at that door. I know they gave up eventually. They may be stubborn, but they aren't that stubborn….They give in at some point. They probably think I'm dead, but I could care less.

Who really cares? I don't….I want to die…..

I know I should tell them, but, I just can't. They won't understand any of it….

**Sorry I haven't been….er….active. I've been on Town Of Salem, awesome game, you should check it out, and if you want you guys can add me on there, I'm on there most of the time so if you really want to talk, message me on there or here. Either way I'll respond….**

**Anyways, yeah. This is dedicated to those who mask everything. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to take off that mask. I know before I met these guys (I'm not going to give names, not sure if they'd like it or not…) are slowly teaching me that, even though as you can probably guess, I am stubborn as hell. But you know, they put up with me and that. I know if I need to, I can tell them anything. I trust them with my life if it came down to it….**

**So don't be scared to take that mask off.**

**Don't be scared to cry sometimes. **

**Don't be scared of being judged! I thought that the guys I met would, but eh, not everyone is what it seems….**

**Don't be scared to let you be you. **

**Don't let yourself go unheard. Be loud! And stop masking!**

**If you need to talk, I'm here. I know what it's like to mask your feelings. I've done it since I was little. So I do have an understanding of that, and if you really want to talk, I'll try to understand your problem that is causing you to mask as well.**

**-BaybieBlue (Now I can't even spell my name right….Jeez….) **

**Also, what do you think is the problem with Emily? Chapter 2 will be coming out soon…..I hope….I'll try, but there is a plan! No fear!**

**Also, the 17th, as last year, I will be answering any questions you guys have for that week. So if you have any questions, 15-21st I will answer questions you guys have since the 17th is 2 year mark. Just an update. :P I will try to answer, but I am going under surgery at that point so may be delayed... **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Holding Back

Emily

I looked in the mirror once more before heading out to the common room.

I looked at each and everyone of my so called friends. I just wanted to scream. I wanted to break down and cry.

But I just smiled.

"You seem like you're in a good moode." Kevin said.

_Don't trust everything you see Kev. Don't…_

"Yeah….I'm feeling a lot more better…." I said.

"Good." Mike said with a smile.

"Anyways, I'm going to go into town." I said.

I grabbed my sweatshirt and ipod and headed for town.

I smiled at each and everyone of them. I was holding back pent up anger. Too many fights, people getting on my nerves...same old, same old.

I wanted for once everything to just stop.

I want it to stop.

I want to die.

I want….I want for my life to end.

I wanted everyone to just let me die….

But I know my friends wouldn't let that….

I wanted to hide away from the world at most. I wanted to leave everything behind.

I wanted to be free…

_Hide the tears, society won't approve. Plaster on that fake smile, and let them destroy you. _

Some people hide behind a smile for many reasons.

Some find it easier than explaining why they're upset. Some do it so they won't hurt others.

I do it to mask the pain that no one will understand.

Some people think that people do it for attention. Sometimes we're forced to…

I need a way out. I want to run and scream and cry. I want to ditch this life.

"Emily, will you please talk?" Mia asked.

_No...Just go away, Let me die! Let me be alone. I don't want to be here. I want to be dead. You guys won't ever understand…._

"I'm fine." I lied.

"No. You're not" Mike pointed out.

"I'm fine. Why would I lie to you guys?" I said.

"To hide the truth." Kevin said with a sigh.

_Please. Let it go. I don't want to talk to you. You won't understand! That's why I won't tell you guys anything. Just leave me alone!_

"No…..Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it." I said with my back to them. I walked towards my room.

I sat on to my bed, my door was locked, lights were off. I hugged my pillow tightly and cried.

I screamed into my pillow.

_No one saw through my games….not today at least. It got me through a day….So far…._

I'm determined to not let anyone through the walls that my secrets have become…

I won't let them. They won't understand. Even if they try, they won't…..I appreciate them trying, but I don't want them to feel like I do….

They just need to stop worrying about me. I don't understand why they act like they worry so much. I can see through their lies. It's all fake.

Everything…

Sometimes I wish they would give up on me and just let me be. Half the time, I don't even want to talk to them….

I'm not used to people worrying about me. I'm not used to people caring about me. The only people I am used to is my family. They just don't understand.

"Emily, want something to drink?" Jayden asked with a glass of water in his hand extended to me. I took it. Somehow he got into my room. Probably a key.

"Will you please talk to me? I'm here for you through thick and thin." He said.

I sighed.

"You won't understand." I muttered.

"I can try. Come on Emmy. Please?" He asked me.

I just looked away from him.

**Ah, so Jayden is trying to get Emily to talk...Will he succeed? **

**Also, it seems like updates will most likely be coming faster. I won't be writing as much tomorrow because of wisdom teeth extraction, but this week I am answering questions. So feel free to private message me questions and I will try to respond as quickly as possible. **

**Anyways, See ya. **

**-BaybieBlue**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Getting Over The Hill?

Emily

Jayden stayed with me for the night. I kept telling him I wanted to be alone...but he knew better.

We just….sat there….

I wasn't going to tell him. It would hurt him and the others….

The next morning, I lied my way through Breakfast and Lunch.

I didnt want to eat, let alone socialize. They didnt want to leave me alone either.

I wanted out. I want out.

_**I want out!**_

"Em, hey, can you tell us what's been on your mind? What's bothering you? Please." Jayden said.

"Im fine." I said, flashing my usual fake smile.

Jayden sighed. He saw right through my lies….I hate lying to him. Him of all people.

"Emily, you're not fine. I can see it in your eyes. Deep down inside, you want to cry. Whats wrong….Tell me…." Mike said.

"We're family Emily, you can talk to us…" Mia said.

"Trust us Emily. Believe in us." Kevin said.

**Well. Emily has a big choice, finally open up or stay shut off to them?**

**Im honestly sorry about the shortness and the lateness….Im in the middle of a war in a way. Writing was the last thing I planned. I have no clue when the next chapter will be up. Im still here if you need to talk, but right now...I just cant write. **

**-BaybieBlue**


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